Craig Teiken has been golfing since he was four years old. He coaches golf, hockey, and soccer. He’s also in a band called The Sons of Gloria. His knees are shot, but his spirit is doing alright. He holds the course record on the par 3 at Wirth 23. He believes in the purity of golf he had as a kid. He once imported 7000 pounds of sand into his office in order to have a realistic putting green at work. He could easily coach the Minnesota Wild. He’ll give you lessons, and you’ll start with putting, not driving.

The Caddy used to be a Caddy on the PGA tour. He lost his ability to speak when the tour banned him after a never-again-to-be-mentioned incident involving an iguana, some Windex and almost $15,000 worth of black casino chips. His favorite person is Craig. He doesn’t care for music because it confuses him. Once, he urinated into Donald Trumps golf bag after he denied the Caddy a tip. He rides the bus and has 11 sisters, all older, all doting, none of which ever shut up. He is single and looking, but wants you to know that he also volunteers a lot with the homeless and is a completely recovered gambling addict and doesn’t smoke.

Eoin is the voice of the show … that’s him saying “what’s you name again” at the beginning of each episode. He likes to whittle, skateboard, break dance, surf, collect Nerf guns, play golf, shoot hoops, eat pizza, swim, scooter, swing, burn ants with a magnifying glass and his favorite band is Queens of the Stone Age. So he’s your basic all-american 8 yr old.

Cosmo is the show dog, as in he is in the show a lot, not show dog as in “Hey where are my blue ribbons?” … he is a mutt, but a cute one. We call him “Cosmo the wonder dog” because he has been shot with a shotgun, run over by a pick-up truck and his best friend is a cat.

Paul has been a photographer for 18 years and, as proof of this lucrative career, drives a Dodge Caravan. He was an extra in Purple Rain and loves olives. He can juggle and once saw U2 at First Avenue. He claims to dislike ABBA, but also does all the cooking and cleaning at home. He never loses his car keys and first wore high top white Converse Chuck Taylors in 5th grade, on the basketball team. After the season the shoes seemed sadly underused.

Jacob went to film school once. Craig has inspired him to start golfing for real. He likes peas. He and The Caddy bicker a lot during production. He has a twin brother who is a doctor and is also better looking. Jacob shares Jed’s disdain for sandals, especially when men wear them. He collects vinyl and owns 3 Michael Jackson records. He also works for 612im Productions, which is run by Paul Irmiter, Gabriel Cheifetz, and himself. Jacob composes the minority of the music for this show and does all the editing.

Gabe started a company called 612 Authentic at which he and Jacob and Jed all work, but at which Paul can only dream of working. He’s allergic to mold. His father used to know a bunch about cassette tapes. Gabe’s motto is “eat food, not war.” Recently, Gabe developed a company called CrumplePop. He rides a pink bike with yellow handle bars. His favorite musical artist is Manu Chao, and he does a killer Borat impression. Like the entire Craig Show crew, he’s quite fond of Sesame Street and the Muppets. If Gabe were elected president, the first thing he would do would likely be to jump up and down frantically while saying “Oh my god oh my god oh my god.”

Jed commutes by bike. Sometimes by tall bike. He loves pizza and free things, which is why dumpster diving behind Little Caesars is something he is also fond of. Once, he threw a putter into a water hazard. He plays in 3 bands: Ex Lovers, Claps, and and unnamed punk band. He likes telling stores and hates sandals. He fixes things and wears dirty shoes. He has worked for 612 Authentic for one year. He lives with a bunch of vegan musicians. Jed composes the majority of the music for this show.

Gabe, or “new Gabe” as he’s referred to behind the scenes, once interviewed Beck on his blog. He’s the quiet, unassuming type and is often considered a “dreamboat.” After he came on board to help revamp the Craig Show website, he took one look at it and then did that thing where you try to stifle some laughter but do a poor job at it. He’s better than Jacob at golf but not quite as good as Paul. Rumor has it that he’s a closet En Vogue fan (this remains unconfirmed).